i decided to dicontinue this story

sry my life isn't interesting enough to write about

i might start up when school starts up

byes

~UPDATE ON PROLOGUE--i actually added some things that i have never told anyone~

I am finally finished with my prologue

Enjoy

~Gray tipped

Prologue

May 15, 2006

1717 hours

Present color(s):  Gray

Dear canvas,     

I don’t know why an introduction is needed; after all, I doubt anyone is going to read my journal.  I don’t exactly know why I picked this title, although I know it does have one meaning to me that I find very important.  At first, I was just making up names for titles and came across this one.  I thought it was funny at first, but then I started seeing the truth of it.  No, I’m not an artist, but the idea of a paintbrush and colors resembling life and emotions really stick out to me. 

A paintbrush can create light colors and dark colors, beautiful pictures and ugly pictures.  Just like people, some people can be good or bad, beautiful or ugly, it doesn’t matter if you’re beautiful and bad, or vice versa, it’s the truth, and not very many people accept that. 

One thing that I think everyone should have in the back of their mind is how colors fade so fast.  I got this from a song that I really like called, Red to Black; it’s basically just about how life changes so quickly.  One moment you may be a bright yellow, but all it takes is a counselor to take you out of class and hand you a 4 x 6 note card with your older sister’s handwriting and smeared tear drops on it and your whole life fades to a dark blue, or possibly even black.

I am a 15 year old teenager coming on 16 in 19 days, 5 hours, and 42 minutes.  Life is tough, school is tough, parents are tough, and there is just more drama at this age then there should be, but that’s life.

I come to realize as I reach for my second strawberry glazed doughnut and wait for my mom in the driver’s seat of our car in a crowded Wal-Mart parking lot, that rarely does one person at this age get to choose his or her colors from the palette, and sometimes they don’t even get to choose what they want to paint, which I think is very sad and controlling on the parents side.

But me, my personality usually consists of dark gray backstrokes with flicks of black and smears of maroon on a piece of wrinkled standard 8 ½ x 11 in. college ruled paper.  Occasionally I’ll turn into a nice turquoise with only a light gray, but still with a black canvas.  I’m sorry; I’m not very good with colors.  I must be feeling very gray if I’m bored enough to start writing this.

I have five very good friends, we’re all friends, and we like to hang out with each other.  My two best friends of all of them would have to be Perez and Jake, not that I’m picking favorites.  Perez is actually Charles’s last name though.  I’ll explain another time.  The other three would be Beka, Jory (her real name is Jordan), and Dana.  The funny thing is, me, Jake, and Perez were best friends, and the three girls were best friends, and we all kind of…met.  The real irony lies in how all six of our young, teenage souls are paired with one another.  Jake and Jory are the oldest two, and they’re in love, I also believe they will get married one day. Beka (Rebecca) and Perez are the next two oldest, and they have been in love for a lot longer than any of us, and they are very happy with each other.  Then of course, my love Dana and I, we are the youngest…but she is younger than me and shorter than me, which makes me very happy, because I am short and I rarely come across a girl like Dana.  I feel that we are perfect for each other.  Me and Dana also have had basically all of 1^st semester of our sophomore year as previous history of our first relationship (we basically just had a 6 month break), but right before winter break, she broke up with me.  I was at a total loss of words, and couldn’t control my emotions.  My feelings portrayed colors that would never allow my self to paint light colors back into my life until after I had reached the point where I completely shut out everyone from my mind.  Although people go through it all the time, but I guess I’m a different sort, you see, I’m not the kind of guy that just likes to be with girls for only to break up with her 5 months later.  No, that’s not me… when I enter a relationship; my axis revolves around her…maybe it shouldn’t be that way though.  I heard it’s not good to get too attached.  Although that only happens to me when it’s a girl that I’m truly in love with; a girl that saturates all my dark colors into one gorgeous red or pink.

When I found out that she was seeing other guys…I didn’t know what to do, although I was never the kind of person to go and shoot myself over a breakup.

I’m sorry…I think I should stop talking about my relationships now, mainly because it’s making me sad just writing about it.  And I also think I should start to realize that I may not be even writing to anyone.  But that’s okay, it’s always good to obtain a wrist cramp for a release of emotions right?

I should mention to you that me, Jake, and Perez all live very close to each other.  Jake is basically everyone’s chauffer, he drives me home everyday, since he’s the only one out of all of us that has a license.  It’s really great to have a friend like this, it’s very advantageous, not that I’m using him for rides or anything.  I also think that I should mention that I have known Jake for almost 8 years now.  He was the very first one I met out of all of us. You must understand that Jake’s personality is very different than any of my other friends.  He is very smart, and he also acts like it, even if he is wrong (most of the time), which bugs the hell out of me.  But one thing that I have always liked about him is how crazy his personality can be.  It’s almost like he has this personality where anything is possible, screw parents, and screw rules, do whatever you want.  Which makes me feel like I’m free, and I’m a lot older than I really am when I hang out with him.  I don’t know why, I guess it’s because my parents would always prevent me from having that kind of personality.  As you may already be able to tell, my parents paint my drawings for me.  And I really hate that, I wish there was something that I could do about it.

I have known Perez since the 4^th grade, but he had to go away for a long time.  I never really knew why, but one memory I have of Perez is in our 4^th grade math class, and Perez was crouching under his desk with his hands over his head refusing to do anything Mrs. Morris told him to do.  Every reply she got was either a ‘No’ or an ‘I don’t want to!’.  It always made me feel bad for him.  It was either after 4^th or 5^th grade he left.  I later learned from my father, who spoke with his mother in a Seven Eleven, that he was sent to the hospital because of something that I didn’t understand mainly since I was too young.  I didn’t see him until it was sometime in the middle of 7^th grade, and I was in the locker room getting ready for track.  He just came up and opened the locker two to the right of me and said “HI!”, and I couldn’t believe it was him.  It was more than enough that he was back in school with me, but in my 7^th period Athletics class, no way! 

Now he is a lot different, he is always showing off his muscles, although it is true that he has a stronger build than he used to be.  Perez is also a good skateboarder.  But he’s still about my height, maybe a little taller, and I say this because I have always been the midget of the school ever since I can remember.  Although a few of my friends agree that they can’t call me that anymore because I have grown a lot since then.  Now, I’m about 5 foot 6. My sister refuses to agree with me on that only because she isn’t the tallest anymore.  Yes, my whole family is Irish and smaller than most families.  But I take great pride in my heritage, and it’s one of the most important things to me, next to my friends and my morals.

I never really met the three girls until 9^th grade.  At first it was just Beka only because she was in my R.O.T.C. class (R.O.T.C. is the reason why we call Charles by his last name).  After her I learned Jory even more, because she once went to my Martial Arts. While me and Dana were still dating the first time around, me, Dana, Jory, and Jake went to the mall.  Jake didn’t even know these girls, so I decided to introduce them.  I remember I was very happy that day because that was the first day I ever held Dana’s hand. The first day I saw Dana I actually don’t think I could keep my eyes off her.  She was with Jory and they were both listening to music.  And me, Perez, Beka, and a bunch of other R.O.T.C. kids were right by them.  We were at a Plano football game, so everyone in R.O.T.C. had to wear their uniforms…which I hated, because I was in a uniform the day I saw Dana, and I wish I was wearing something better (Jory and Dana aren’t in R.O.T.C.)  It’s okay though, because I don’t think she noticed me anyways.  So I just kind of walked away so that I wouldn’t be tempted to look at her.  Because then she might have thought that I was weird.  It took about a month for me work up the courage to ask her out.  I truly am happy we made it.

During second semester (during me and Dana’s break), Jake started hanging out with Jory a lot more, even though Jory had a boyfriend at the time, I never even thought of those two ‘going out’.  They made me sad because my best friend and the one person that I Instant Message online are taken away from me.  I had no one to talk to.  Perez and Beka were too preoccupied being attached to the face to even go talk to.  Dana also had another boyfriend at the time.  So I was basically alone.  I guess I don’t have to explain my colors to you, except that all the colors that my paintbrush could choose from were all dark.  There were no nice pastel colors or anything like that.  Some people started wondering what was wrong with me.  I started wearing more black than normal. 

Normally I wear black, not because I’m sad, but because it’s the way I am.  Some people in the halls called me “emo” or “gothic”, I felt like blinding them.  But that would be too out of character.  It would be like me throwing away the brush and dunking my hand in a red paint bucket and smearing it all over my walls.  Okay…I think I’m done with that…I actually have never even written that down let alone speak of it out loud.  I guess I scare myself sometimes.

Well those are my friends, and I love them even when I can’t talk to them about life, but now I will tell you more of my background.  Well I have realized that I haven’t even told you my name yet.  Sometimes Jory calls me McGuire, since that’s my last name and I’m in R.O.T.C., Perez calls me Bobo (a nickname since 6^th grade), Jake calls me Mike, and Beka calls me Michael or McGuire, and I don’t really know what Dana calls me.  I don’t think I have ever heard her say my name, or at least remember her say it.  But I would think that she would call me Michael.  It’s all the same to me.

      My dream job is to be a ninja, please don’t think I’m crazy, although I don’t think that’s even possible.  But I think I could be capable of being one.  You see, I have always thought myself a good fighter but, I have never been able to test this theory in a live fight.  Sometimes, I wish I could just get in a fight at school just to make a statement.  Hell, I’m small, but get the fuck out of my way.  Charles and Beka have told me that I hit abnormally hard.  I think this is because of my Kung Fu years, I’m not sure.  I’m sorry I haven’t told you much about myself, but since I don’t think anyone is going to read this, than you will find out more as long as you read along.

      Anyways, right now, I have no idea what’s going to even happen in my first few entries yet(for you that would be a chapter), mainly because I haven’t lived it. 

      Hopefully I won’t be such a dark color than I normally am, but only few people can change that and they know who they are.

Good night canvas,

A Gray Tipped Paintbrush